Hardest Words
by FrodoFever
Summary: Balian leaves the army heading in for another crusade to find his own peace alone. But Sibylla, the love of his life, knows there's something more. Will each find what their looking for and find the love of their dreams before the end?


/I don't own anything you recognize in this story. /

Chapter One

"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful." –Colossians 3:15

The ground beneath him was hard, but Balian was used to it. For many years he had been forced to lie on this hard ground, day after day. But any rest at all was good enough for him, for he barely had any for many days, months even. And it was finally catching up to him.

Sitting up was painful and Balian winced from it, allowing his body to acclimate to his new position before completely standing up. How people could do this for years at a time, Balian didn't know. Maybe it was from sheer stamina and will power.

As he slowly walked towards the edge of camp, allowing his body to wake up, Balian noticed that he wasn't the only one awake and about. He sighed. He had hoped that he would break away from the group unnoticed. Apparently that wasn't going to be the case.

The figure came closer Balian noticed that the figure wasn't a soldier standing watch, but a woman. And she wasn't a mere woman at that. She was the queen of Jerusalem.

The woman reached where Balian was and stopped short of him, her headpiece thinly veiling her face. The proper protocol for a woman mourning the loss of a family member. Balian bowed his head respectfully. She was still a woman to be reckoned with.

"I see you are leaving us, Balian d'Ibelin," she said softly.

"I have no more purpose here, my lady," Balian replied in the same low voice.

"But I still need you here," she exclaimed. "My brother wouldn't have expected less from you."

"You're brother isn't among us any more, Sibylla of Jerusalem," Balian said. "I take no orders from a man who has already gone before us."

Sibylla rubbed the horse's neck gently. "Is that all you think about is yourself, Balian?"

Balian sighed and looked across at the horizon. He always enjoyed the sunrise; it gave him the peace of mind that he needed to get through each day. He certainly needed it now.

Balian turned back to Sibylla. "I have done many things in my life that I am not proud of, my lady. This will not make my burden any heavier."

"But heavy enough, I assume. What is in your past, Balian, that keeps you constantly in need to run from yourself and in need to prove yourself worthy of those around you?" Sibylla asked.

Balian swung up onto his horse. "Many things. Many things that you wouldn't understand and things I wouldn't care to unload onto a woman as delicate as you."

"You find me delicate?" Sibylla asked rhetorically. "Surely after all this time you should know that is the least of my qualities. I am stronger than you in many ways."

"And I do not doubt it. But now is not the time to woe my misfortunes right now."

Sibylla took hold of Balian's horse's reins. "Let me come with you, Balian. Your dark thoughts shouldn't be left with you alone as you journey out alone. It could be disaster."

Balian threw his hands up in exasperation. "What do you think I am, Sibylla? Someone who is suicidal?"

Sibylla smiled and shook her head. "No I don't think that. But I know that some things shouldn't be burdened alone."

"I'm sorry, Sibylla." Without another word, Balian spurred his horse onward, leaving Sibylla watching after him in shock.

Sibylla shook her head. She knew he was a good man, but there was something haunting him. She saw it in his eyes every day ever since she met him. His past wouldn't let him leave it in the past, no matter what he did.

Finding her mare among the giant war horses, Sibylla led the horse away before swinging up onto her back. She wasn't going to let Balian be alone with his grief even if she had to chase him all around the world.

Spurring his horse onward, Sibylla chased after her dream into the horizon. Her love.


End file.
